I miss my mom.
There, I said it. I miss her, I miss her, I miss her. I don't miss her because we live in different towns, or because I don't get to see her very often. I miss her because she has Alzheimer's.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy seeing her and visiting with her, and I am so glad that she is still around. But it's not the same. I wish that I could sit here and write about all the emotions that I feel when I think about her and her disease. I might be able to someday, but right now I don't even understand it enough to put it into words. All I can say is that I miss hearing her speak in complete sentences. I miss hearing her real laugh. I miss being able to ask her advice or ask her for a recipe. I miss seeing her face light up when I tell something funny about my kids. I miss her being able to understand and follow a conversation. I miss talking to her on the phone. I hate it when I see confusion on her face. I hate the impatience and anger she displays sometimes (that was never my mom's way). I hate feeling like I'm treating her like a child when I know she deserves much more. I hate watching my dad try to take care of her, although I'm very thankful that he is so willing and able to do it.
I love my mom and am so thankful for her love and care over the years. I will do whatever I can for her for as long as I can. I just wish I didn't have to miss her while she is still here.
About Me
- Lori Strickland
- I am 44 years old and have been married to my wonderful husband, Greg, for 22 years. We have 3 great kids: Evan, 20; Nathan, 16; Truli, 13. I live in Marshfield, Mo and basically love my life.
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7 comments:
Lori, you made me tear up. I had no clue your mom had alzheimers.
It doesn't seem quite fair to have to miss her while she is still here. She is lucky to have you.:)
My mom told me about your blog post. I really can't imagine what all you are going through. Please know that we all love you very much (and your folks) and we continue to pray for your mom. She is an amazing lady.
Lori,
Thank you for sharing your post. I, like Joe, had heard about it from my Grandma, Joan. I know these times must be difficult - I hadn't seen your mom in over a year and did not know the progression of the disesase. Please know that all of you are in my prayers.
I wanted to say "Thank you" because what you wrote made me realize how grateful I am for the people in my life and the days I am able to share with them. I hope to spend my days ahead expressing that gratitude to my family and friends - including you!
Love, Laura
Thanks guys! This post started out to be a rant, just to get things off my chest. Now you guys really made me glad I shared. Thanks for your support.
Lori, Life's not fair is it? I think that is all I can say. Especially when you've had to watch this disease more than once. I really had to think about the statement of missing someone who is still around. That must be hard. I love you.
P.S. You are allowed to rant all you want. This is a good forum in which to do it.
Oh Lori...my heart breaks for you. I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away.
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