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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Mom

I miss my mom.

There, I said it. I miss her, I miss her, I miss her. I don't miss her because we live in different towns, or because I don't get to see her very often. I miss her because she has Alzheimer's.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy seeing her and visiting with her, and I am so glad that she is still around. But it's not the same. I wish that I could sit here and write about all the emotions that I feel when I think about her and her disease. I might be able to someday, but right now I don't even understand it enough to put it into words. All I can say is that I miss hearing her speak in complete sentences. I miss hearing her real laugh. I miss being able to ask her advice or ask her for a recipe. I miss seeing her face light up when I tell something funny about my kids. I miss her being able to understand and follow a conversation. I miss talking to her on the phone. I hate it when I see confusion on her face. I hate the impatience and anger she displays sometimes (that was never my mom's way). I hate feeling like I'm treating her like a child when I know she deserves much more. I hate watching my dad try to take care of her, although I'm very thankful that he is so willing and able to do it.

I love my mom and am so thankful for her love and care over the years. I will do whatever I can for her for as long as I can. I just wish I didn't have to miss her while she is still here.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Things I Want to Remember...

There are certain little things that you just never want to forget. Here's my list:

I never want to forget:

-how a freshly fallen snowflake looks when it lands on my daughter's dark hair.
-the feel of a steaming cup of coffee on a freezing cold morning.
-the feeling of a newborn baby's skin (it's so soft you can't hardly feel it - Thanks for reminding me Reese!)
-the look on Greg's face when he's trying not to smile.
-the sound of my sweet mom's voice speaking a whole sentence.
-how lucky I am to have a "whole" family and a husband who loves me.
-how it feels to sing my heart out!
-how goofy I act when I'm hanging out with my sister.
-how I felt the first time I held my babies.
-how red a leaf can get in the fall.
-the sound of Nate when he is really laughing.
-how Evan will still hug me in public even though he is 16!
-how I feel when Greg grabs my hand when I don't expect it.
-the way Truli snuggles up to me when she's watching tv.
-the way the kids smile when we play "Dollar Question".
-what it feels like when you laugh so hard your eyes water.
-the sound of really good harmony.
-how talented my kids are.
-the way my Pepa would laugh out loud when we teased him.
-the first time Greg and I sang together.